Some years ago, I read this thing writer-director Kevin Smith said:

Yes, I believe in God. Why? Because I have a career. There can be no better explanation or proof of the existence of God than the fact that I have a film career!

At the time, I found this notion theologically offensive and morally repugnant. If that’s the case, and God is to thank for Kevin Smith’s successful film career (aside from all other factors such as luck and talent), then that’s one big honking middle finger from God to most of the rest of us, His creation–explicitly those who are struggling to carve out a place for themselves in the film industry and also, implicitly, everyone on Earth (all ~6.999 billion of them) who would be considered less fortunate.

As I was driving home from school today, this crossed my mind again and I had a disturbing thought: what if instead of being theologically offensive, this is the most theologically sound thing that’s ever been said? What if God really has favored Kevin Smith, simply because Kevin Smith is to be favored? Maybe questions of piety and religion and faith don’t matter in the slightest, and any and all success comes simply because you’re one of God’s select favorites. Maybe God favors those with souls and maybe the rest of us are without souls. Talent, business savvy, the goodness of our fellow man–these things ultimately don’t matter when God overrides it all with His spoils for His people.

But then I had a thought that’s maybe even more disturbing: What if God has blessed Kevin Smith with his film career simply because God wants Kevin Smith movies?

What if you get up to the afterlife and God is just constantly hosting a never-ending View Askew-niverse marathon. How many times can we make it through Mallrats before we inquire about throwing in with Satan?

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About John D. Moore

Writer, cartoonist, filmmaker, and student of Japanese language, literature, and cinema at the University of Utah.

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