Elliott K. Peters, syndicated opinion columnist

We’ve swung too far, America. The election and reelection of Barack Obama was a necessary correction to the disastrous Bush years. His Democratic successor continued to thrive on the surprisingly resilient generated throughout Obama’s administration, despite its various turbulences over the years. But Obama this president wasn’t, and the Republicans finally regained a majority in the midterm 2022 elections. The 2024 Congressional elections weakened the Democrats’ hold as the New Libertarian Republic Party gained a handful of seats in both houses dozen seats.

So now history’s pendulum has swung again and we’re less than two months into our new Republican president’s administration. But 2025’s Republican Party is not the party of Lincoln. It’s not the party of Reagan. Hell, it’s not even the party of Bush.

Instead of pushing forward the promised capital gains tax cuts or earmark reforms that won the public’s hearts over the past two years, the new administration’s first piece of proposed legislation was the Weekday Privatization Act of 2025, of which nary a word was uttered on the campaign trail. Congress rubber stamped it and the president signed it one month ago, with much fanfare. And 48 hours later, with even more fanfare still, a deal was announced, transferring the rights of Wednesday to hybrid media conglomerate W.E. Powers Partners.

In the last month, the federal government has been all atwitter with bids for the other six days of the week and appointments for the hastily created government bureau that will administer and guard the property rights of the companies receiving title to the previously public domain days.

So, citizens of America, be sure to keep a little extra cash in your wallets as you venture into the streets one week from today. That is the official first day of our new W.E.P.P.-sponsored Wednesdays and you wouldn’t want to be caught short when it comes time to pay the Wednesday tolls.

The website you are reading this column on may have already begun headlining its Wednesday articles with the word “Midweek” in an effort to avoid paying hefty royalties for the use of the now protected term “Wednesday.” Ten minutes before press time for this column, I have received word that W.E.P.P. has already filed a complaint against AOL Time Warner for doing just that and claiming that “Midweek” is a derivative of “Wednesday,” and that this circumvention is a violation of the Weekday Privatization Act.

It appears that this complaint will stick. I’ve sacrificed a paragraph of my trademark building, pointed outrage to report to you this plain fact in hopes that its obvious ridiculous nature is enough to carry my point for me.

These are not fair market principles. These are not free market principles. These are retarded market principles.


About John D. Moore

Writer, cartoonist, filmmaker, and student of Japanese language, literature, and cinema at the University of Utah.

One response »

  1. Redoubt says:

    Clearly, WEPP needs to take some lessons in etymology. Their argument could fly in German but not in English.

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