Most things in life are disappointing. As I’m sitting here, conjuring up a mental list of things that are disappointing, I’m realizing that it would be a hell of a lot easier to put together a list of things that aren’t disappointing. And those would be maybe the top three or four movies on my Greatest Films Ever list, most of Elliott Smith’s albums, and John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces. After that, I’d have to put my pencil down.

Good thing I’m not here to compose such a list, then. Instead, I’ve decided to write this post to elaborate on a particular, peculiar form of disappointment: a new cell phone.

Since about July of last year, I’ve had phone problems. My handset at the time broke and — because I wasn’t due for an upgrade (and refuse to spend $200 or more on a phone that will break within two years) — I went through two problematic used phones in the interim. So, I was finally eligible for an upgrade on May 1st.

This is what I use my phone for:

  • Making calls
  • Receiving calls

So, when presented with about a dozen different options for free phones, I get a little confused. I consider myself a fairly tech-savvy person. But when it comes to cellular phones, I. Just. Don’t. Care.

However, looking at them on my service provider’s website, I start to get a little anxious. This one’s really shiny. This one’s thin. This one’s so tiny, that it’s awesome. This one’s actually kind of sexy.

Finally, as arbitrary as it may be, I’ve made a decision! So, I track the package. Anticipation. FedEx drops it off yesterday. I tear through the tape. The phone charges. I insert my SIM card. Do a test call. Hey, it works!

Um, I guess I’ll just put it in my pocket now.

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About John D. Moore

Writer, cartoonist, filmmaker, and student of Japanese language, literature, and cinema at the University of Utah.

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